 Good behavior upon the street, or public promenade, marks the gentleman most effectually; rudeness, incivility, disregard of "what the world says" marks the person of low breeding. We always know in walking a square with a man, if he is a gentleman or not. A real gentility never does the following things on the street in the presence of observers: Never picks the teeth nor scratches the head Never swears or talks uproariously Never picks the nose Never smokes or spits upon the walk, to the exceeding annoyance of those who are always disgusted with tobacco in any shape Never stares at anyone, man or woman, in a marked manner Never scans a lady's dress impertinently and makes no rude remarks about her Never jostles a lady or gentleman without an "Excuse me" Never treads upon a lady's dress without begging pardon Never loses temper, nor attracts attention by excited conversation Never dresses in an odd or singular manner,so as to create remark Never fails to raise his hat politely to a lady acquaintance; nor to a male friend who may be walking with a lady - it is a courtesy to the lady Of course, a lady will not be rude, nor dress so as to attract undue attention, much less to create unpleasant remark. She will be kind to all; she will not absorb too much of the walk, nor fail to give half the way to either a lady or gentleman, she will not allow her skirts to drag upon the walk to the annoyance of other pedestrians; she will not fail to recognize friends by a pleasant smile and slight bow; she will not look back at anyone who has passed her; she will not eye another lady's dress as if studying its very texture; she will not stop upon the walk to talk with a friend to the inconvenience of others; she will not make the street a place of meeting with person whom she can recieve in her home. A true lady in the street, as in the parlor or salon is modest, discreet, kind and obliging. If she is to the contrary, she forfeits her right to be called after the truly genteel. The truly well-educated, well-born and well-bred never betray vanity, conceit, supercilliousness or hauteur. Set this down as an invariable law, and male or female, let it guide all of your actions. It is proper that the lady should first recognize the gentleman. There has been some dispute on this point of etiquette, but we think that there can be no question of the propriety of the first recognition coming from the lady. A gentleman will never fail to bow in return to a lady, even if he may feel coldly disposed toward her; but a lady may not feel at liberty to return a gentleman's bow, which places him in a rather unpleasant position. A lady should give the first smile or bow. In meeting acquaintances several times during the same promenade, it is not necessary to salute them at every passing. In offering a lady your arm, as it is proper to do upon the street, particularly in the evening, always give her the right arm, because persons in passing observing the law "turn to the right" would jostle her if she was upon the other arm. The practice of always giving the lady the inside of the walk is a very useless one, and not necessary to true politeness. It is always proper for a gentleman walking alone or with another of his sex, to give the lady, or a gentleman with a lady, the inside of the walk. In gallanting a lady to a carriage, take her left hand. It is truly polite to take off the hat in performing such a service.
Loud and boisterous laughter Reading when others are talking Reading aloud in company without being asked Talking when others are reading Spitting about the house, smoking or chewing Cutting your fingernails in company Leaving a church before public worship is closed Whispering or laughing in the house of God Gazing rudely at strangers Leaving a stranger without a seat Want of respect and reverence for seniors Correcting older persons than yourself, especially parents Receiving a present without an expression of gratitude Making yourself the hero of your own story Laughing at the mistakes of others Joking of all others in company Commencing to eat as soon as you get to the table In not listening to what one is saying in company - unless you desire to show open contempt for the speaker Speaking while one is singing or playing on the piano or other instrument - a direct insult to the performer
Sources: Beadles Dime Book of Etiquette - Beadles and Adams, NY, 1864 The Bazar Book of Decorum - The Lady's Guide To Perfect Gentility - Emily Thornwell, 1853 Etiquette For Gentlemen - One always had to know how to conduct oneself in any given situation; most particularly while making a formal call or while dining. It was while in the Parlour or Dining Room that the utmost diligence upon propriety was observed. A faux paux here could literally ruin one's reputation! In a day before telephones and electronic media, one went "visiting". Usually calls were made one or two days a week in either the morning or afternoon. One ALWAYS carried cards and there was a pre-described ritual for presenting one's card. In leaving cards, "one would be left for the lady of he house and her daughers - the latter are sometimes represented by turning up the edge of the card - one for the master of the house, and if there be a grown-up son or near male relation staying in the house, one for him." (1) A lady's cards were to be carried in a "small elegant portfolio, called a card-case. This they can hold in their hand, and it will contribute essentially (with an elegant handkerchief of embroidered cambric), to give them an air of good taste." (2) In the 1840's, cards were somewhat ornamental; the name was handwritten. The 1850's saw "glazed" cards with a glossy finish. By the 1860's (see large card at bottom), cards were not only larger in size, but were less ornate. With the advent of color lithography in the 1870's and 1880's, cards were once again quite gaudy, sometimes sporting fringe and colored "scraps". A lady never was to remove her bonnet, shawl nor gloves upon a short visit; however the gentleman was required to remove his hat, either holding it in his hand or if seated, upon his lap. One was most certainly required to remove gloves if tea was served! Lenghts of visits were important and one most certainly did not wish to become, as humorously described in one etiquette book, a "day goblin"! (3) This was obviously a contemptible describtion of one who did not know when to take leave! Herewith, gentle reader, are the articles of civility which were mandate for calling and parlour etiquette.
Do not stare at objects around the room. Do not take a dog or small child. Do not linger long. Do not lay aside your bonnet or hat at a formal call. Do not remove your gloves during a formal call. Do not fidget with your cane, watch chain nor parasol. Do not handle ornaments nor furniture in the room. Do not walk around the room, examining the pictures while waiting for the hostess. Do not play upon the piano. Do not cross the legs, recline, nor lounge indifferently in the chair. Do not indulge in slang nor loose talk. Do not smoke nor chew tobacco in the parlour. It is rude in the extreme. A gentleman will not remain seated when a lady enters the room.
Note that she properly carries her small card case in one hand and her hanky in the other. According to the etiquette books, she is the "Height of Refinement".
Etiquette in the Dining Room was also not to be amiss! As now, one could always be judged upon how one handled (or mishandled for that matter) a knife and fork! "Nothing indicates the good breeding of a gentleman so much as his manners at table... a man may pass muster by dressing well, and may sustain himself tolerably in conversation; but if he be not perfectly au fait, dinner will betray him." (4) Just as one today can literally "make a pig of himself", the same was true one hundred years ago!
Do not open your mouth when chewing. Do not make noises with the mouth or throat. Do not leave the table with food in your mouth. Do not tip back in your chair nor lounge upon the table. Do not permit yourself to use gestures, nor illustrations made with a knife or fork on the tablecloth. Do not hold bones in your fingers while you eat from them. Do not encourage a dog or cat to play with you at table nor feed them while feeding yourself. Do not explain at the table why certain foods do not agree with you. Do not pick your teeth or put your fingers in your mouth while eating. Do not wipe your fingers on the tablecloth, nor clean them in your mouth. Use your napkin. Do not come to table improperly dressed. Do not wear gloves at the table, unless your hands for some special reason are unfit to be seen.
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